expand our horizons and to

make this a world wide search

for our child.

We began looking at differnt

countries and different agencies

to adopt from internationally.

This was an enormous undertaking.

First we had to get a adoption homestudy

done in our state.  Then we had to do

all the international stuff for the federal

government.

This is more detailed than you

would believe.  You have to

get finger prints.  You have to

apply to the feds.  You have to

let them review your home

assessment. My gosh.

And before anything can be ok’d

you have to decide which country

you want to adopt from.

We have looked at virtually every

country.  Some would be fine but

the wait was too long. Some would

be fine but the government was

corrupt.  Some would be fine

but the legislature has a moratorium

on adoption.  Some would be fine

but they only let you adopt

special needs.  Some would be fine

but they do not permit infant

adoption. Some would be fine

but there is a high level of

alcohol use or AIDS. The list

goes on and one.  It is a little

depressing trying to figure

it all out.

Some times i just want to walk

away and let the whole idea go.

I am simply not strong enough

I reason.  But then I figure I need

to be strong for our child and

do what I need to do to bring

him or her home.

less of attorney adoption

and more of agency adoption.

Instead of a public agency,

though, we began exploring

a private agency.

This could help us find a

birthparent for adoption or

to find a country overseas.

It depended on the agency,

what they offered, so this

involved months of research

into agencies and spending

lots of time on consumer

chat listservs to get the scoop

on which agencies were really

placing kids.

Most all agencies look good

when they present themselves.

But some are new and not

actually experienced. Or else

they do not really have the

connections they say they do

for finding you your child.

It is really necessary for the

consumer to beware and

not just send money in

blindly, or you might lose it.

the idea of going through

the social service system.

This is a good idea of people

looking for older children, but

it does not seem especially

suited to someone looking

to adopt a baby.

But maybe we did not want

a baby?  We tried to think

about not having a baby, but

maybe an older child of one

year.

Again, this was difficult to ponder

and required being willing to let

go of more dreams of a crib, and

a little wee baby.

Even a one year old was not guaranteed,

and even a time frame was not guaranteed.

It could take up to seven years or more

on the waiting list.

about was still using the

attorney, but going private.

This would involve having

the attorney help us do a

private adoption.

Our job would be to find

someone who has decided

not to keep her baby.  Basically

we would be advertising online

and in the newspaper for the

hope that someone who was

pregnant would find us.

We liked the idea of finally

being able to take some action

on our own part, but we didn’t

like the idea that we would

have to passively wait until

someone called us.

Also we had heard horror

stories online of people who

were not even pregnant trying

to rip couples off and take their

dreams and their money.

Again, that was a possibility

that our tender hearts could

not fathom the thought of

after all we had been through.

our other options might be.

This was difficult as we were

trying to decide for ourselves,

but everyone and his cousin

had opinions for us.

We thought about hiring a

surrogate to have the baby.

In our state that is possible

but not especially easy.

We did not even know whether in

our particular case that would be

a viable option.  But at least we

thought about it.

We kind of hit a roadbloack when

we saw how much it would cost.

Yikes!  We understood the medical

issues but there were also other fees

and attorney costs, depending on the

type of program you used.

Also, there was that nagging question

of what happens if the person decides

to want to keep the baby, even tho it

is your legal baby.  That, after all we

have already been through, would be

more than we could handle.

a stressful venture trying

to deal with all this.

At one point we just elected

not to deal with it.

We didn’t want to lose.

We didn’t want to lose our

finances. 

We didn’t want to lose our

gene pool by not procreating

biologically.

We didn’t want to deal with it

anymore.

We didn’t want to lose the dream

of having children.

It all became too much.  So we

simply stopped talking about it

and trying to solve the problem.

We just walked away.

Grandually one or the other of

us would feel the tug on our

hearts, but not the other.

finally we were in synch again

and ready to move forward.

of any more tests to give us.

The verdicts came in. 

If we wanted to we could

pursue invitro fertilization.

The problem with this was

simply the cost.  We talked

about it, but then realized that

with our insurance there was

no way that we could manage

all the co-pays and the house

payment.

We talked for a long time about

getting a loan for the treatment.

However, there is no telling

how many cycles of treatment

would be necessary, and there

were no guarantees that our

financial sacrifice would be

successful and result in a

baby.

The other choice was to

consider adoption.

of our adventure the research

and science phase.

Our doctor did some tests.

And then he decided to refer

us on to a specialist. 

And then the specialist did

some tests.

Not wanting to throw stones

at each other like it was

somebody’s “fault”, but at

the same time it was difficult

not to feel bad about all

this.

It was extraordinarily

stressful, and also very

emotional. Very emotional.

Each month that went by

became thus more stressful,

more emotional, and also

more depressing.

to do what should be easy and it

turns into a difficult saga of

doctors and specialists.

At first we did not know anything

was wrong, as I stated previously.

Once we started to try to have

children and nothing happened

we did not even worry.

We just figured it was job stress,

or lack of timing, or things like

that.

But the longer things wore on,

and the lack of results being

apparent, every month, we

started dancing around the

issue that maybe something

was going on. Or not going

on.

We did not want to face this

for the longest time.  So we

did everything except to

face it.

The doctor when we had

started out had said give yourselves

a year.

Well, once we were into making this

happen that was very difficult.

We did not want to wait a year and

have no baby.  We wanted to be

changing diapers by the end of the

year.

and continue to communicate

current events.

Sometimes things happen

quickly, and other times

it seems like nothing happens.

For a long time we didn’t know

we were on an adoption journey.

We knew we wanted kids, but

first we had all the career things

to take care of.  And then we

figured we should buy a house

to raise the kids in, so that was

a servere focus of our time, not

just finding a home but making

the payments.

Finally after the years had

wandered by we figured it

was time to have kids before

we got into other problems

because of how old we were.

Little did we know that we

were already in the problem zone.